In 1:45 you’ll learn how I started a war.
I learned how to stop it from happening again.
You can do it too.
Last week, I started a war.
It wasn’t a very big war,
but it was definitely me who started it.
How are YOU?!!
How’s YOUR day going?!!
My day’s just GREAT!
WHERE ARE YOU?!!!!!!”
Well, that’s how I heard her anyway.
“What’s with the TONE?”
I started a war. And it was all downhill from there.
One of my favorite Life teachers, Byron Katie,
teaches that it’s “our story” about what someone’s
saying to us, or “our meaning” behind someone’s words
that causes our pain or discomfort. In my case, I was irritated.
And so, instead of hearing the caller’s words as nothing more than WORDS,
and answering the questions I was being asked, I started a war.
What if I would have heard the caller like this?
“Hi, how are you?
How’s your day going?
My day’s just great.
Where are you?”
Then I could have responded like this,
“I’m doing well.
My day’s great too.
I’m at home right now,
getting ready to head over to your house.”
But Mary, what if she would have kept going with her “tone”
and started to say other things that irritated you?
I could have continued to stay in my business and not defend myself.
It is only when I react defensively do I begin the war.
Without my reaction, the “caller” has no war by herself.
She just has her emotions and her story about me.
But that’s not my business, it’s hers.
And God knows this isn’t easy to do.
Because I do hear “THE TONE.”
The practice is not to attach stories to it,
not to get into the caller’s head and assume
I know what she’s thinking about me.
In the end, what matters most is my peace.
I have no peace if I’m in a war.
When was the last time you heard “a tone” or “the meaning”
in what someone was saying?
“OH I’m SO GLAD you decided to FINALLY join us!!!!”
What if you just heard,
“Oh I’m so glad you decided to finally join us.”
And in this statement you interpreted it as,
“Wow, they are really happy I’m here!”
Feels better doesn’t it.
Yes, I hear you. “But my mother-in-law / new supervisor
/ daughter’s best friend’s mother, really does mean it that way!”
And to that, Byron Katie would say,
“Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true,
that your mother-in-law means it that way?”
Oh but sweetheart, that is a lesson for another time.
So try this out.
The next time you feel yourself having
a ready for war reaction to “a tone”
or what you believe is the “real meaning,”
Take a deep breath.
Say to yourself,
“I choose peace over war.
I choose peace over war.
I choose peace over war.”
And respond to the statement or
answer the question without
“your story” about it.
It takes courage.
It takes lots of practice, take it from me.
But it’s worth it, because peace feels better than war.
Love, light and peace to you.